What I’d Do
During my twenty nine years on this great planet Earth I’ve decided upon a great many things I’d do if I ruled the world; until now, however, I’ve never sat down and actually put any of them down. But looking at the economic climate—not to mention Global Warming, drought, famine, general misplacement of good energy and ability for mankind to turn pretty much any situation into a nightmarish catastrophe—I can’t help but think I might be doing humanity a favor if I did so. There you have it; here is what I would do if I could do anything–
1) Destroy all Steps, turn them into good things and then sell them, giving the proceeds to charity: remember those ridiculous plastic block things that mums all over the world used to think nothing of spending seventy pounds on, just so they could step up and down? A great marketing campaign, no doubt about it, but who uses them now? Even the poorest person has a step to step on. Imagine the happiness that could come of taking them all and making something positive out of them–
2) Ban frowning in public places: that’s right people, I would put a penalty on this and give that to charity too (those who were extremely poor would be exempt, of course, and this would pay the rich people back). All those business men who scare small children in their big flash cars, they’d pay!
3) Pay for Simon Cowell to have his head made into a more normal shape, because it just annoys me and that’s it (and sell the rights to the TV show where this operation happened, and give a bit to everyone).
4) Ban the National Lottery from handing out stupid money to stupid people: according to statistics, many of the people who win vast sums of cash blow the lot in only a few years, no matter how much they’ve won. Come to think of it I’d also ban TV shows which feature the winners smiling and laughing at all their fortune. Really, do we really need it rubbing in?
Speaking of TV shows, if you have all remembered, it is my birthday coming up and in case you are pondering what to buy me (that means you Bevealy) I have had my eye on that dvd set for Murder She Wrote, I know what you are thinking, but seriously, it is an awesome show!